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Getting Help & Advice
Please have a look
at the frequently asked questions below. If you cannot find an answer to
your question, please
contact us
for help & advice. |
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How long does it usually take an aupair to get settled in
and for all of us to really feel comfortable?
According to surveys done by IAPO all over the world and our research,
the average amount of time it takes for hosts and visitors to feel
truly comfortable with each other is about 2-3 weeks and
is usually much
more difficult for the visitor. |
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What is the most common problem between host families and
aupairs?
The most common problem between host families and aupairs is
that they don't communicate with each other, which leaves a lot of
room for misunderstandings. Nine times out of ten, the problem has
nothing to do with the aupair's
level of English, it is simply because they do
not talk to each other! When asked
why they did not try to communicate more, both sides typically
had the same answer: " I thought they did not like me" or " I
thought they did not want to talk to me" and in most cases, this
was simply not true.
An aupair is a stranger in your home at
first and can very easily feel as though she
will always be
a stranger if you do not try to make her feel welcome.
If an aupair needs something or has a
problem, small or large, they are often
afraid to ask for
help for fear of irritating or disturbing their host
family. This is a terrible feeling for anyone far away from home
and can result in resentment or
mistrust, which
may be displayed in their attitude, making things uncomfortable for
everyone.
You are the only person that can truly help your aupair. For
the first few weeks you will need to ask her every day: How are you doing today?
Is there anything you need? Are you having any problems with the
children? Tell her you will be happy
to help her if she needs
anything. Even if your aupair's English is not
good enough to
have a full conversation, you should take it upon yourself to
communicate with her: maybe leave her a short note every day.
She will understand that you are there if she needs you and feel
much safer and more comfortable.
This will make her happier and easier
to get along with and thus build a
relationship that both of
you will feel confident with. |
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Our aupair arrived only
a few days ago. While she is a nice enough girl, she is very quiet
and does not take good firm charge of the children, they are
running rings around her!
Your aupair probably needs a bit more time. She is probably
taking everything in and wants to be sure of what kind of
authority she has over the children to make sure she does not
overstep her boundaries.
Shortly after her arrival, you should choose one evening to sit
down with the children and the aupair, especially if it is a
first time for either party, and
outline for both children and aupair what is expected.
Clarify what is acceptable and unacceptable from both
parties, and what should be done in particular situations. You should make it clear to your children
that they are to obey their aupair and help her in any way they
can.
You should make it very clear to the aupair that if
the children misbehave,
although she can never spank or
physically punish them, she can
temporarily withdraw television or park/play
privileges, send the child to their room, assign a
chore for the child to complete or issue
whatever punishment
is acceptable to your family.
This can last until you arrive home.
If you give your aupair authority to use
this kind of
discipline, you should be prepared to
support her if she does so.
This will avoid any hurt feelings on the
part of the children or aupair. You should make it very
clear to your children and your aupair that
you approve of a
well-behaved household in your absence.
If the child is very young, of
course, they cannot help their aupair
and need special attention. You should go over the daily routines,
meal plans, educational or extra
activities that you
expect your aupair to implement with them, and be very
specific about it. We recommend that you
write out an agenda, appropriate for
most eventualities and situations, to be
sure that the aupair understands her duties to this child. |
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My aupair
goes to her room once we come home from work and does not come
out, she does not try to socialize with our family.
This is a common problem that many families experience. It may
have something to do with your aupair's
personality or her
culture or may occur
particularly if your aupair is attending school and
is very serious about her studies. It could also be
just because your aupair has spent most of the day taking care of
the children, helping with
the housework and is tired!
Another possibility is that she feels she should not interfere with the family during " family
time". Or maybe she does not know that she is welcome to
participate in your family's activities and needs to be invited.
If you have asked her to socialize
with your family, and she still stays in her room, you can always
politely ask her why. Explain to her that it would make you very
happy if she participated in family
life and took the
initiative to involve herself as much as possible. She may be
concerned that you will expect her to be in charge of the
children or cooking, even though you are home and should be
taking charge of these things yourself. Remember that the aupair's responsibility is to help you, not to take complete
charge of the children or the entire household.If the situation does not improve, you must consider
how well she performs her tasks.
Are the children happy with her? Is she normally an outgoing and
friendly girl towards the family
and others? If the answers to these questions are generally
positive, do not concern yourselves too much about her
inactivity within the family.
Everyone, including aupairs, has the
right to their own personal time. Perhaps yours likes to make the
most of it cuddled up in her bed reading a book,
or listening to her favorite cd while relaxing. |
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Our aupair never leaves us alone, we never have time together
just as a family…
She probably does not have many friends and is not sure what
she can do during her free time. Recommend some places of interest
near to your home, and where she can meet people
close to her own age.
Maybe you know of another family hosting an aupair and can
introduce them and arrange a date for them to go out and have
fun together.
Explain to your aupair
kindly, that while you consider her to
be part
of the family and enjoy her company, you would like to have some
time alone as you work many hours and do not get to see the
children as much as you would like. Explain to her that
it is in her best interest to get out and meet new people
and learn about a new culture,
after all, that's what she came for! |
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Our aupair was ill with the flu for almost two weeks and could not care
for the children, but now she wants me
to pay her...
You must pay your aupair her agreed weekly salaries. It is not
the fault of the aupair that she was ill and could not work, and
is probably to your benefit that she did not take care of your
children while ill. Just as you probably have paid sick leave from
work, under the aupair program your
aupair has the same right . |
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My work hours have been cut for this month and
I don't need our aupair to work as many hours, do I still pay her...?
You must pay your aupair her agreed salary. Again this is not
the fault of the aupair and she should not be punished. Your
aupair has probably registered for and is
attending English courses or
other programs that she is obligated to pay for, and she can
only rely on her agreed salary from you to pay for these things.
In the event that you lose your job, are laid off, or have had
your work hours cut for a long period of time, you should discuss
this with your aupair and ask her if she can be flexible during
this possibly tough but temporary period
for your family. Explain to her that she is a part of the family
and you are going through a transitional period
that will affect all of you. Tell her you appreciate her willingness to help out in any way
she can, rewarding her for her efforts later on. |
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We'd like to go out
with our best friends one evening this weekend and want our aupair to baby-sit our friends'
two children together
with ours, can we ask our aupair to do this?…
If your friend's children are not of a
very young age and have
no handicaps or mental/physical problems, then yes, you can ask
her, but your aupair can also say no. The aupair's obligation is
to her host family, not to her host family's friends. |
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We will be going on vacation abroad for a few
weeks and want our aupair to come with us, is this possible?
Your Au Pair should inquire at the
Embassy of the countries
to be visited at least one month before your trip
to learn what is necessary, as some Au-Pairs may require a visa
before travelling to a country...
In the event that she cannot go with you, you can trust your
aupair to stay home and house sit for you, or perhaps use her
ticket and travel money to fund her a vacation
to her home country! |
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If you can not find an answer to your question, please
contact us
for help & advice. |
